


Candle to Keep Out the Night

by standintherain16



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Infertility, M/M, Mpreg, Mpreg Louis, Mpreg Niall, harry cries a lot, vague smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-12
Updated: 2014-03-12
Packaged: 2018-01-15 10:59:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1302409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/standintherain16/pseuds/standintherain16
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is infertile and it's hard to handle. Until it's not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Candle to Keep Out the Night

When Harry comes home and finds Louis crying at their kitchen table, needless to say, he's worried, but it isn't an unusual sight.  
They'd found out that Louis was infertile months ago and it had hit them hard. They had both always talked about have a baby, more than one preferably. They both really wanted one.  
They'd had sex without using any sort of protection for two years, their sole goal to get Louis pregnant, and after a little less than a year had passed, Harry had started getting a growing sense of unease in his stomach. He had been incredibly nervous to talk to Louis about it because he felt like if he voiced his suspicions out loud, then it would make them reality. But after another few months passed and it was more than a year of them trying but there were no little plus signs on the pregnancy tests, he had shakily confronted Louis about it.  
"Do you think...maybe something is wrong with one of us?"  
Louis had hit him.  
Louis had thrown things at him.  
Louis had screamed at the top of his lungs at him.  
And then he had told him, collapsing on the floor and sobbing in Harry's arms, that he had gone to the doctor's a week prior and had been given the news.  
Louis was infertile.  
They couldn't have a baby.  
He hadn't told Harry for the same reason that Harry hadn't confronted him about his suspicions- he didn't want it to become reality.  
It was an ugly reality and they had cried together for hours, huddled together on the floor. They were being denied the one thing that they had both always wanted.  
It hit them both hard, but Louis took it more badly than Harry did.  
He cried for what seemed unstoppinly for days and every night for weeks. He pushed Harry away almost immediatly. He slept in their guest room and hardly ever spoke, not just to Harry, but to everyone.  
Harry had tried desperately to fix things. But all he had was tape when they needed steel to weld them back together.  
It wasn't like he wasn't affected though. He loved babies. Louis always teased him about how his face lit up 'bright enough to light the whole of London, babe'.  
Harry had always wanted a baby, many babies, since he knew what a baby even was.  
Sometimes he would meet with one of his friends who had had a baby and when he would come home, he would spend nearly an hour telling Louis all about the baby.  
"It likes me, I think, like, it giggled when I made a face at it. She's so adorable, Lou, I want one so bad!" he would say.  
They would usually go into the bedroom and try to give Harry what he wanted immediatly afterwards.  
A few days after they had found out, Harry had been with a few of his friends. He'd needed to get away from the heavy atmosphere of their house for a little while. One of the girls hadn't been able to find a baby sitter and had brought her six-month old little boy.  
She knew how much Harry liked babies and he hadn't told anyone there about Louis' infertility. She handed the little boy to him.  
Harry had held him for a few seconds, swallowing hard and trying not to cry.  
"You're so good with him. You're going to be the best daddy whenever you and Louis have your own," she had cooed.  
Harry had stood, handed the baby back to her and stormed out without another word.  
He had texted her about ten minutes later, apologizing and explaining why he had reacted like that.  
She had apologized profusely.  
He had ended up having to pull over so that he could cry into his arms resting on the steering wheel.  
He wanted a baby so bad and it was killing him. He was hurting so much more than he let on to Louis. It was hard to pretend to be strong during the day and then cry privately at night.  
Two weeks after Louis had told him was when it had hit Harry just how upset Louis was.  
Harry had snuck up on Louis in their kitchen and wrapped his arms around him.  
"Hey, Boo," he had murmured.  
Louis had pushed him away with an irritated grumble.  
When Harry tried to pull him in again, Louis had slapped at his hands.  
"The fuck do you think you're doing?" he had spat.  
Harry had backed up a few steps, holding his hands up.  
"Trying to hug you. Am I not allowed?" he had asked, scared of the answer.  
Louis had glared at him, eyes narrow and jaw set.  
"What's the fucking point? I know you're going to leave eventually; just get it over with," he had snapped.  
But underneath his anger, Harry could see the pain and deepening depression.  
"What are you talking about? I'm not going to leave you. I'll never leave you," he had said earnestly.  
Louis had rolled his eyes at that.  
"Oh, save your bullshit. I'm fucking infertile, what the hell do you want with me now? I can't do anything for you. Nobody'll want me now," he had said.  
His facade vanished for a brief second when his voice broke on the word 'infertile'.  
"Louis," Harry had said helplessly, "God, I love you so much. Sweetheart, I don't need a baby. I just need you, okay?"  
Louis had shaken his head, his anger gone. Tears glimmered in his eyes as he had stared at his feet.  
"I need a baby," he had whispered, "I need a baby. I need a baby!"  
Harry had tried to comfort him, but Louis had pushed him away.  
"You don't understand," he had sobbed, "You're not the one who's fucking infertile. All I've ever wanted was a baby with you and I can't have it."  
"Lou," Harry had whispered, his own tears starting to fall, "Oh, Louis."  
"I want to die. If I can't have a baby, I want to die," Louis had whimpered, sliding to the floor and hugging his knees.  
Harry had scrambled towards him, Louis finally letting himself be held, and rocked him back and forth on his laps.  
"Louis, no," he had whispered, "Don't say that. Don't you ever say that."  
Louis had simply shaken his head and cried into Harry's neck.  
"I'm not gonna leave you. I love you. I love you," Harry had repeated over and over until Louis had untangled himself and gotten up.  
He had gone upstairs and shut himself in the guest bedroom. And then Harry had allowed himself to cry, sobbing into Louis's pillow. It hardly smelled like him anymore and that just made Harry cry harder.  
There was a period of time where Louis went out every night, drinking away his despair. When he had come home with another man attached to his mouth, Harry had quietly pulled them apart, broken the man's nose, and put a babbling and staggaring Louis to bed without a word.  
They'd never spoken about it. Harry had wordlessly forgiven Louis and Louis knew it. He had never gone out again.  
There was all of the times when he would see Louis looking at his stomach in a mirror and crying, his fingers splayed over skin, searching for something that wasn't there.  
Then there was when he'd found Louis on his knees, hitting his stomach over and over with his fists, screaming but not feeling the pain. He hadn't appeared to notice the black and blue blotches covering his stomach the next day, either.  
Harry had gotten him a therapist after that and he himself had gone as well.  
It had gotten better after about a month of Louis seeing the therapist. Louis had started sleeping in the same bed as Harry again and he didn't cry as much.  
And then he had gotten the flu.  
He had been throwing up for several days and complaining about how achy he was.  
Harry had gotten home from work to find Louis in their bathroom, holding a pregnancy test and staring straight ahead with a completely blank look. He was surrounded by everything that had been on the shelves and in cabinets of the bathroom. Broken bottles and assorted towels lay on the floor. Their mirror was shattered.  
Harry had knelt down and gently pried the test from Louis's hands. It was negative, as he had suspected.  
"I thought...maybe it was morning sickness," Louis had choked hours later after he had come out of whatever state he had been in.  
He had slept in the guest room for two weeks after that.  
So when Harry comes home to Louis crying at the kitchen table, it isn't unusual. Harry immediatly rushes over to Louis' side.  
"What's wrong, Lou?" he asks, wary of whatever might come out of Louis's mouth.  
Louis looks at him, his lips trembling and tears slowly falling down his cheeks. Harry gently wiped them off with his thumbs.  
"Zayn called. Niall's pregnant," he sobs out, "It's not fair!"  
Harry kneels at Louis' side and places his head in his lap. He hugs Louis' waist.  
"I know it's not fair," he says, "Sweetheart, I know, I know."  
It isn't a surprise when Louis doesn't come to bed.  
He does the next night though, curling into Harry's arms like they're a life line.  
They lay awake, quietly breathing in each other's presence.  
It is a surprise, however, when Louis starts pressing careful, barely-there kisses to Harry's neck.  
"Whatcha' doin', Lou?" Harry murmurs, scared to speak too loudly as if not to frighten Louis off.  
Louis doesn't reply, just moves closer and trails his fingers down Harry's chest.  
Harry doesn't know what Louis' goal is, but they haven't had sex since they found out that Louis was infertile and Harry's had to resort to miserably wanking in the shower. They don't even sleep naked anymore, something that Harry loathes to no end, but he'll do whatever it takes to make Louis comfortable.  
"Babe, what are you doing?" Harry asks again, more loudly this time.  
Again, Louis doesn't reply. He does, however, try to pull Harry on top of him. Harry obliges.  
When Louis tips his head back and bares his neck for Harry, it's almost irresistible.  
"C'mon," Louis whines, shifting his hips up to try and grind against Harry, "C'mon."  
"Louis, what do you want?" Harry asks, breath hitching when Louis' fingers slip beneath his pants.  
He still doesn't reply.  
Harry sighs and pulls Louis' hand out of his pants, takes the other one from his hip and pins them above Louis's head.  
"Look at me," he orders.  
Louis looks anywhere but at him.  
"Louis. Look at me," he repeats, a tone to his voice that Louis knows not to disobey.  
He hesitantly meets Harry's burning gaze, eyes bright even in the darkness.  
"Look, I'm all for this, you know that. I just want to make sure that you are too," Harry says, releasing Louis' hands and cupping his face, thumb brushing against Louis' sharp cheekbone.  
"I need to know that you're not doing this because you think you might get pregnant," he says.  
Louis bites his lip.  
"I know you want to, sweetheart, believe me. But having sex one more time isn't going to change anything," Harry whispers.  
His heart plummets when he sees Louis' eyes shine with tears.  
Louis murmurs something, so quietly that Harry doesn't understand.  
"Can you say that again?" Harry asks, leaning close.  
"I said I just miss you," Louis repeats and if that doesn't just break Harry's heart.  
"Oh, Lou," he sighs.  
"Can you...can you? I just...need you," Louis whimpers, playing with a strand of Harry's hair.  
"Yeah. Yeah, of course," Harry says.  
He leans down and kisses Louis, long and deep.  
They kiss still, it's not like they haven't done that since they got the news, but kisses that aren't anything but quick, chaste pecks are few and far between, so Harry savors kissing him like this.  
Louis was never one for much foreplay and soon he's whining into Harry's mouth and bucking his hips up. And even though Louis is impatient, Harry takes his time opening him up. It's been months since they've done this and it almost feels like their first time.  
When he pushes inside of Louis, he needs to pause for a few seconds almost more than Louis needs to. It's hot and almost unbearably tight and it's like somebody has punched him in the stomach because all the air whooshes out of him and it's all he can do to keep from coming right then and there.  
It's slow and careful and he doesn't stop kissing Louis for a single moment the entire time. They're relearning each other's bodies and it's so good that Harry wants to cry. He's forgotten just how pretty the noises Louis makes are and it's just so good.  
"I love you," Louis whines into his mouth, back arching beautifully.  
"I love you, I love you," Harry chants right back, biting down on Louis' lip.  
When Louis comes, Harry forces himself to pull away from kissing him, just because its the most beautiful thing that he has ever witnessed. Louis throws his head back, gasping out a soft "oh" as his eyes squeeze shut and his expression turns into one of absolute bliss. Harry tucks his face into Louis' neck, babbling absolute nonsense as his hips thrust sporadically, Louis clenching around him.  
"C'mon, wanna see you," Louis gasps, pulling on Harry's hair.  
He lifts himself up on shaking arms and struggles to keep his eyes open to look at Louis as he comes, collapsing on his chest right after, panting and head spinning.  
He almost whines when he pulls out, but Louis is too hot and too tight and it's too much to stay inside of him.  
"Hey, babe?" he mutters, nose pressed against sweaty strands of Louis' hair.  
Louis makes a humming noise in response.  
"Let's take a bath," Harry suggests.  
It's another thing that they haven't done in ages.  
"You better fucking carry me, Styles," Louis mutters, "If you expect me to walk after that, you are very wrong."  
Harry laughs and stands up, limbs still feeling like jelly. Still, he manages to pick Louis up and hold him to his chest with one hand while he opens the door to the bathroom with the other. He sets Louis on the sink counter and bends down to run the water.  
As he's turning, he catches a glimpse of his back in the mirror. He smirks at Louis as they both see the reddening scratch marks on Harry's shoulder blades. Louis merely wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.  
"What can I say, H? You've got a way with your dick," he purrs.  
Harry beams at him. It's not even because of the crude compliment. Everything just feels so normal, like Louis isn't depressed and they never fell apart.  
Harry's chest and throat and mouth and even his fucking toes are filled with pure love for Louis and he can't keep himself from lunging at him and kissing him hard. He tries to convey everything that he's feeling through it.  
I love you so much I love you I love you I love you I don't need a baby cause you're my baby I love you please love me please stop pulling away please I love you I love you I love you  
When he pulls away, head spinning from both lack of oxygen and the things that Louis can do with his tongue, Louis is grinning from ear to ear and his eyes are suspiciously shiny. He kicks his heels against the sink and threads his fingers through Harry's already messy hair.  
They don't do anything but grin stupidly at each other for several moments.  
"So all you needed was a good orgasm, huh?" Harry finally chuckles.  
The subtle reminder of their problem makes Louis deflate slightly and his smile to falter. He pulls Harry in for another kiss, one more slow and purposeful.  
"I love you, you know," he sighs, his breath warm as it fans across Harry's face, "I know sometimes if doesn't seem like it, but I love you a whole lot."  
Harry's heart flutters in a very cliché way and he can feel himself flush.  
"Yeah. Yeah, I know," he replies.  
Louis nods and hops of the counter, limping ever so slightly. As he bends forwards to test the water, Harry has to bite his lip because fuck, Louis really does have a nice arse.  
"It needs bubbles," he decrees.  
Harry reaches under the sink and tosses him the bottle of bubble bath that they have for occasions such as this. Louis dumps in more than is really needed but Harry can only stand back and watch him affectionately. He's whipped, he knows it. If Louis poured the whole thing in, he'd probably go out right then and get a new bottle for Louis if he wanted.  
"You coming in?" Louis asks once the water is bubbly enough for his liking.  
Harry nods, well aware that Louis knows that he was staring. He slides into the rather large tub- it's a jacuzzi- and Louis comes in after him, sighing in content as Harry cradles him to his chest. Louis tips his head back and rests it against Harry's shoulder. His eyelashes fan over his cheeks and Harry can see the tiny freckles on his nose. Louis is by far the most beautiful and perfect human being that he has ever seen.  
"You're staring again," Louis murmurs without opening his eyes.  
"You're beautiful," Harry replies honestly.  
Louis opens his eyes then, blinking up at Harry.  
"Your dick is beautiful," he quips, nipping lightly at Harry's jaw.  
Harry snorts and kisses his forehead.  
"Why tonight?" he asks carefully.  
Louis knows what he means and he sighs, tensing up the slightest. Harry gently massages his fingers into Louis' back, trying to get him to relax again.  
"I've been talking to Dr. Carson a lot about it, a lot about everything, really. How I can't sleep unless I'm with you, how I hate when you touch me sometimes and the next second I want to cry because you aren't touching me, how I miss being close to you like this. But sometimes I just can't stand to sleep with you because it's too hard and sometimes it burns in a bad way when you touch me and sometimes I think that I'll never want to be close to you again because there won't be any product from it. But I'm trying so hard," he says, his voice dwindling to a whisper.  
Harry presses light little kisses into his wet hair and whatever parts of his face that he can reach in this position.  
"I know you're trying, love," he murmurs.  
"I feel like it's not enough, though. I'll think I'm getting better and then the next moment I'll realize that I feel so empty inside because I want a baby to be there instead of this big black emptiness and I know it's not your fault that I can't have one, but sometimes I need to take it out on something and you're usually the closest something," Louis sighs, "I'm so sorry, H, you have to know that I am."  
Harry nods, but the way that Louis' hands have strayed down to splay over his belly doesn't go unnoticed.  
"I just felt good today, I guess. Dr. Carson always reminded me that I couldn't have it in my head that I want to try for a baby if I ever wanted to go back to having sex with you. But it's always there, just this little tiny thing in the back of my mind that just hopes," Louis says, sniffling as tears start to fall down his cheeks, "There's this part of me that feels so empty and open because a baby should be in that space and sometimes it starts to hurt because its so empty. It's so hard to explain. Part of me instinctively needs to have a baby and when I got told that I couldn't...part of my life ended because all I've ever wanted with you is a baby. You can't possibly understand it fully. You want a baby, I know you do, you love babies, but there's this part of me that needs to be pregnant, that needs to have a baby. And I can't."  
Louis is full on crying by now, his fingers digging into the soft skin of his belly. Harry laces his own through them. He wonders what if would be like if Louis were pregnant like this. Maybe they would feel the baby kick and Louis would make a remark about it having a footie practice in his womb. The thought of it makes him smile for a second, but then the realization that that will never happen wipes his smile away.  
He holds Louis tightly as they both cry together, Harry unable to keep his tears at bay. He hates seeing Louis cry. It usually never fails to make himself cry. Louis was made to smile and be happy and have those little crinkles by his eyes when he grins. He wasn't made for all of this pain and depression and crying. And Harry can't do a thing to stop it, which makes it a thousand times worse.  
"Can we go back to bed?" Louis eventually sniffles after Harry washes their hair.  
"Are you staying with me tonight?" Harry asks, scared of what the answer could be.  
"Yeah," Louis responds, simple as that.  
Harry gets them out of the tub, drying Louis off with the fluffiest of their towels. Louis leans against him as he towels himself off. They make their way back into the room. When Harry goes to pull his pants back on, Louis' hand wraps around his wrist.  
"No. It's fine," he says quietly.  
Harry has to try very, very hard not to start dancing. Louis knows, because he can read Harry like a book, and he snorts.  
He climbs into bed and Harry follows suit. He waits to see which way Louis is going to sleep. If he faces away from Harry, they'll sleep back to back, a cold and very obvious distance between them. That's how it usually is these days when Louis sleeps with him.  
Louis turns away from Harry and Harry's heart plummets. They'd made such good process, too.  
But then Louis is reaching back and tugging on his wrist, draping it over his hip and oh.  
Harry shifts so that his chest is pressed snugly against Louis' back, his chin resting on top of Louis' hair.  
"I love you," he murmurs, lacing the fingers of his hand with one of Louis'.  
"I love you too," Louis replies and Harry can feel him smiling.  
***  
Ideally, they'd have sex every waking moment of their lives.  
Realistically, they don't.  
It gets to the point where Harry can fairly accurately predict whether or not they'll be having sex on a given night based on Louis' mood during the day.  
It's usually about once a week, Louis still easing into it.  
Louis is always the one to initiate it. Harry doesn't want to push him or make him uncomfortable, so he waits for Louis' cue.  
It's a particularly good day and Louis has just finished riding Harry on their couch while the movie that they had been watching rolls it's credits. Harry is gasping for air, head swimming and Louis is wrinkling his nose as he uses Harry's shirt to wipe off his stomach. Harry is still coming down from a mind-blowing orgasm and he is in no state to complain.  
Louis shifts so that his head is in Harry's lap. Harry hisses as Louis' hair brushes his softening dick.  
"How come you never try anything with me?" Louis asks, poking at a fading lovebite on Harry's hip.  
"Hmm?" Harry asks, mind still foggy.  
"Do you not want to have sex with me? You never like start anything or whatever," Louis says.  
He sounds insecure but like he's trying to feign nonchalance and it's enough to make Harry's mind clear.  
"Lou, no! Christ, you drive me crazy, you know that. I mean, it's fairly obvious in how hard you make me, yeah? It's just like, I don't want to push you into something that you're not in the mood for doing. Like, I'm trying to be so careful with you because sometimes it's hard to tell how you're feeling, so I just leave it up to you to show me," Harry explains.  
Louis nods. Harry hisses again.  
"And your head is on my dick so I would appreciate it if you moved a little bit down," he mutters.  
Louis smirks, eyes lighting up with the idea of a challange.  
"Wanna see if you can go again?" he purrs, looking up at Harry with sinfully dark eyes.  
Harry can only groan in response. Louis flips over onto his stomach and sucks Harry's completely soft dick into his mouth without any sort of warning.  
Harry has to bite his fist because fuck, it hurts because he's rather sensitive, but at the same time, his cock betrays him and starts to fatten up again.  
***  
It's a week before Louis finds the pamphlets. Harry walks in the door and the chaos immediatly begins.  
"What in the fucking hell are these?" Louis screams, throwing assorted papers at Harry.  
He knows what they are without looking. He has no idea how Louis found them. They were stashed away in their cleaning supplies cabinet.  
"I've...I've been thinking," Harry says slowly.  
Louis' eyes are burning with fury.  
"The answer is no," he spits.  
"Louis, come on, at least consider it? Babe, listen to me for just a second," Harry tries.  
"No! I don't want somebody else's kid! I don't want a fucking reject," Louis snarls.  
Harry knows that Louis doesn't mean it, that Louis is all for adoption, but Louis doesn't want to adopt for himself and he's not thinking clearly. Still, his cruel words make anger burn dully in Harry's stomach.  
"Alright. You don't want to adopt. I understand. What about a surrogate?" Harry says, jaw clenched.  
"No! That's so fucking stupid! What, just go up to some girl of guy, whatever, and be like 'hey, carry my child for me for nine months and as soon as you give birth, you become irrelevant'," Louis growls, "I don't want to adopt; I don't want a surrogate! I don't...I don't want that! You should know me better than that! Jesus Christ, are you a fucking idiot?"  
"That's not how it is!" Harry barks.  
Anger flashes through Harry, white-hot and powerful, and in his minds-eye, he sees himself stepping forwards and striking Louis.  
He doesn't.  
He sighs and squeezes his eyes shut, taking a moment to collect himself before he does something irrational and stupid.  
"Louis. They were options. They were suggestions. You...you and I want a baby and I just thought that maybe we could discuss other options because the conventional way isn't going to work for us. I'm sorry; I didn't know that you would be so strongly opposed to them. You never seemed to be before. We don't need to talk about it again if you don't want," he says stiffly, "I apologize for upsetting you. Now, if you'll excuse me."  
He's not even sure what angered him so much. He thinks that it's Louis saying that he should have known him better. Harry knows everything about Louis; he knows every emotion, every thought, every memory that Louis has. And Louis questioning that upset him.  
Harry quickly pushes past Louis, stepping over the scattered pamphlets and printed-out papers. He's going to cry; he knows it, and he's not going to let Louis see.  
Because, he wants a baby too, is the thing. One with Louis' eyes and maybe a little bit of his mischief. Obviously he's not going to get that, but in the end, he just wants to raise a kid with Louis. He understands that Louis might be a little upset that Harry was looking into adoption and surrogacy without telling him, but Harry's still hurt that Louis wouldn't even consider it.  
So, they're not going to have any baby then.  
That thought makes a fresh wave of tears spill out of Harry's eyes and he locks the door to their room behind him. He's had to listen to Louis cry for nearly a year. Now it's Louis' turn to realize that it's affecting Harry too.  
He clutches at Louis' pillow and cries for a good while. He doesn't even try to keep it quiet this time. He cries loud and ugly.  
It's not fair. All he ever wanted was to settle down with Louis and have a family and Louis seems to keep forgetting that Harry's affected by this, not just him. Sure, Louis has had a harder time coping, but half the time Harry wonders if Louis even cares how he feels.  
He stays in their room for the rest of the night, staring at a wall. He just needs some time to be by himself and think things through.  
Louis is his first priority. He spends so much time obsessing over Louis being happy and comfortable that sometimes he just needs time for just him to clear his head and think about what he wants.  
It's the middle of the night when he wakes up to the door unlocking. There's a gentle 'clink' of Louis putting the key on their bedside table and the squeak of the bed as he crawls next to Harry. Harry's really thankful that he's not facing Louis.  
Louis sighs heavily and lays down next to Harry, curling into his back. His chin rests on Harry's shoulder.  
"I know you're awake, babe," Louis murmurs, "You went all tense."  
"The door was Iocked for a reason," Harry mutters, mildly irritated that he's been woken up.  
"I know," Louis says, "I couldn't sleep."  
Harry doesn't reply. Louis sighs again and tries to pull at his shoulder to turn him over.  
"Babe. Hazza. Harry. Harold. Harry Styles. Look at me," Louis grumbles.  
Harry grunts and turns to face him. Even though it's dark, he hopes that Louis can see how his face is still tear-stained. He can see that Louis' is.  
Louis shrinks and tucks himself into Harry's chest, his hair tickling Harry's neck. Harry doesn't make a move to hold him like he normally would.  
"I'm sorry. About earlier," he begins.  
When Harry doesn't say anything, he continues, "What I was trying to say, and I obviously could have said it better, was that I don't want a kid that's not mine. It's stupid, I know, and it sounds horrible, but I just...I want it to be something that you and I created. Something that's just ours. And...it's like okay, so we can have a surrogate, but then it would be yours and it wouldn't have anything from me and it's so selfish but I feel like it would be your kid and not mine."  
Harry absently puts an arm around Louis. Louis presses that much closer.  
"Sometimes I feel like you forget that you're not alone in this. Christ, Louis, I want to have a family with you more than anything. I think about what our pretty little babies would look like all the time and then I remember that we can't have that. And I...I guess it doesn't matter to me as much as it does to you, if it isn't biologically ours. I just want to have something with you and who cares if it has different biological parents? It would still be ours to raise and take care of. It would still depend on us to keep it alive. I want a baby that's got your eyes so badly it hurts, but I'm okay if I can't have that. I just wanna spend the rest of my life with you. I want a full house with these little kids running around and driving us insane because they've got your attitude. I want to cry when they leave for Uni and you just look at me in that way that you do when I'm doing something stupid."  
He turns over so that he's straddling Louis, leaning down with his hair in Louis' face.  
"I want everything with you. But I only want it if you want it," he murmurs.  
Louis squeezes his eyes shut tightly and exhales shakily. He shakes his head. He reaches up and pulls Harry down so that he's covering him like a human blanket.  
Neither of them say anything. Eventually Louis falls asleep, snuffling against Harry's neck. Harry rolls off of him and pulls him into his chest, careful not to wake him.  
They don't talk about it again.  
The hardest days are when they meet with Zayn and Niall. By now, Niall's a little over three months in. They had been worried about telling Louis and Harry because they knew how upset they were about not being able to have a kid of their own. Louis is always unnaturally quiet when he sees Niall and the gentle curve of his stomach. He usually doesn't sleep with Harry when they get home. Harry knows that Zayn and Niall feel terrible, but he really is happy for them. He knows that Louis is too, somewhere deep down.  
Niall is sitting cross legged on the sofa, his hands resting on the subtle swell of his belly. Harry glances at Louis, whose hands are in the exact same position. It makes his heart tug painfully. Louis isn't even paying attention to the conversation, it seems. His eyes bore into Niall's stomach, his face twisted with longing and jealousy. Niall looks up and when he sees Louis' face, his pleasant smile falls. Zayn has told Harry that Niall sometimes cries when they leave because he feels so horribly guilty. Niall and Louis had had hours upon hours of conversations, excitedly talking about getting pregnant. Niall had tried to be there for Louis when he had found out, but Louis pushed him away, still does. Zayn's worried about how stressed Niall is about it, if it's okay for their baby.  
Louis hasn't taken his eyes off of Niall's stomach and his expression has turned to more jealousy than longing.  
"Louis, babe, I'm tired. Can we go?" Harry suddenly says.  
Louis jerks and looks up.  
"Yeah," he says quietly, his eyes foggy with sadness, "Yeah, I'm tired too."  
They say their goodbyes and leave. Harry pretends not to see Niall's lip wobbling.  
Louis himself is crying before they even get to the car. Harry sits in the passenger seat with him and holds him for a few minutes before he decides that they really probably should go.  
When they get home, Louis automatically starts to head for the guest bedroom. Harry grabs his waist.  
"Can you stay with me tonight?" he asks quietly.  
Normally he's able to tolerate Louis sleeping away from him, as long as it isn't for more than a day or two. But tonight, he just really needs Louis to be with him.  
Louis nods, not meeting Harry's eyes. Harry sighs and tips Louis' chin up.  
"You're not alone, sweetheart," he murmurs, "It hurts me to see them too."  
"He looks so good," Louis whimpers, "All glowy like you're supposed to and it's like I can see his baby in there and it's like it's fucking mocking me."  
Harry sighs and rests his chin on the top of Louis' head.  
He gently pulls him to their bedroom. He lays Louis down and undressed him before stripping himself and getting in next to him.  
He traces abstract patterns into Louis' chest before asking, "Can I?"  
Louis hesitates before nodding.  
"You sure?" Harry asks, pulling Louis' hips flush to his.  
Louis nods again, his eyes going a little bit darker.  
While they're laying in post-coital bliss later and Louis is pressing lazy, content kisses to his jaw, Harry has to stop himself from putting his hand on Louis' stomach and feeling for a phantom kick.  
***  
He's out with a few of his friends from work several weeks later when he gets the call.  
Seeing that it's Louis, he answers. Louis had a doctor's appointment, just a routine thing, he said, and Harry figures that he's just calling to update him. He excuses himself from the table and walks outside.  
"Hey," he greets, but is immediatly alarmed when he hears the sniffling on the other line.  
"Harry? Can you please come home? Now? Please?" Louis sobs.  
"Yeah, of course! What's wrong?" Harry asks.  
Louis is all-out bawling and it's scaring him.  
"Just come home, please," Louis begs.  
"Okay, okay, I'm coming right now. Do you need me to stay on with you?" Harry asks.  
"No. I just need you to come home," Louis insists, his voice edging on hysteria.  
"Sh, calm down sweetheart, I'll be home in about ten minutes, okay? Hold on for me until then," Harry says.  
Louis sniffles in response.  
He hangs up and dashes back inside.  
"Hey, I have to go. Louis needs me home," Harry explains, taking his jacket off of the chair and throwing money down on the table.  
His friends nod seriously. They know about everything and this isn't the first time Harry has had to leave to go to Louis.  
Harry all but sprints to his car and he probably breaks a law or two as he speeds down the road.  
He slams the door as he runs inside.  
"Louis?" he yells.  
"Up here," Louis replies.  
Harry runs upstairs and locates Louis in their bathroom. He freezes.  
Louis is on the edge of the bathtub, his hands shaking as he grasps some little thing that Harry can't make out. Little boxes and cups are scattered everywhere and Harry's heart rises into his throat.  
"Sixteen. All positive," Louis chokes.  
Harry goes into a frenzy, picking up stick after stick from where they're scattered around the room.  
All of them have little pink plus-signs.  
"It wasn't just a checkup. I've been throwing up in the mornings and I thought...it was a stupid hope but...but it felt a little different from when I had the flu, you know? And I knew that it was impossible but this little tiny part of me told me that I had to try. And...and when they told me, I couldn't believe it, naturally, so I bought every kind of test I could find and they're all fucking positive, Harry," Louis whispers.  
Harry honestly thinks that he's going to pass out. His head is swimming and he understands why Louis was crying so hard because he's all but hyperventilating as his breath tries to keep up with his tears. Because God, Louis isn't able to get pregnant but he is and Harry can't wrap his head around it and he's just so fucking happy and he can't control himself.  
Louis is watching him from where he is perched on the batbtub, a watery smile on his face.  
"Louis," Harry wheezes.  
And then he's staggering forwards with the intention of picking Louis up and spinning him around like somebody in a movie would do, but the shock makes his legs give out and he slides in between Louis' and buries his face in Louis' stomach.  
"I'm pregnant, Harry," Louis whispers, "We're gonna have a baby."  
That sets Harry off even more. He clutches desperately at Louis' t-shirt and bawls into his stomach.  
"A little baby with your hair and my eyes," Louis continues, "I want it to be a little girl that we can spoil rotten and fend all the boys off from her because she's gonna be the prettiest little thing."  
"Ohmygod," Harry sobs, "Ohmygod."  
Harry seriously thinks that he might die from being too happy. He can't even explain it. He jerks Louis' shirt up and stares at the smooth skin underneath. His belly is still flat, obviously, but Harry can't stop staring.  
"You've got our baby in there," he says dumbly.  
"Yeah, I do," Louis sniffles, petting at Harry's hair.  
"You're not kidding?" Harry whispers.  
"I wouldn't dream of doing that to you," Louis replies.  
"How?" Harry breaths.  
"They said that for some reason, by some miracle, I produced a fertile egg. I don't even produce eggs! That's why there shouldn't be a baby in my stomach right now! But somehow, it fucking happened!" Louis explains.  
"No swearing in front of the baby," Harry corrects, almost instinctively.  
It makes Louis have to press his hand to his mouth because Harry is going to be such an amazing father and he's so emotional right now that he wants to squeal and dance around.  
Harry is gazing at his stomach with such an intensity and adoration that Louis has to let out a soft sob. There's not even any sort of visual sign that he's pregnant yet, but Harry is running his fingers over his belly and kissing it feverishly like he's fucking worshipping it. He probably is, actually.  
"People always say that babies are miracles, Lou. But this...this is more than a miracle," Harry says and he hasn't stopped crying since he walked in the door.  
Suddenly, he's stretching up on his knees and pulling Louis down and kissing him hard and long and if Louis has ever had any doubts that Harry doesn't love him more than anything, then this kiss proves him wrong.  
They decide to tell everybody when they all get together over Christmas. It's only in a few days; they've got all of their shopping done and they want to see everybody's reactions in person.  
They don't leave the bathroom for a good hour because Harry physically can't stop touching and looking at Louis' stomach. He mumbles absolute nonsense into the skin, usually just cooing at the baby and it's so ridiculous and Louis just really loves him.  
"It's not even developed ears yet, love," he says gently.  
"Maybe it can feel the vibrations, though," Harry says, sticking his lip out in a pout.  
They sit in relative silence for a while, Harry still mumbling into the skin of Louis' belly.  
"They said I'm about eight weeks along," Louis finally says, "I don't have a period to miss, so I didn't know from that. But I have been feeling kinda achy and tired. Which, yeah, it could have been the flu, but I don't think the flu causes sore nipples too."  
Harry looks up with a small smirk.  
"We can have fun with that, yeah?" he asks.  
Louis rolls his eyes.  
"If you can ever detach yourself from my stomach, maybe," he snorts.  
His shirt is off; he got tired of holding it up. Harry stretches up and bites down gently on one of Louis' nipples. After the initial shock of pain because they really are sore, Louis swats at him.  
"Twat," he mutters, "They say it's from the hormones and everything."  
"Mmm," Harry hums, nuzzling the patch of skin right under Louis' belly button and kissing it.  
"You go any lower, H, and you'll get me hard," Louis warns.  
Instead of going lower like he usually would, Harry sighs and rests his cheek on Louis' belly, looping his arms around his waist.  
"I love you so fucking much," he says, "I was prepared to go my entire life with just you and I being a family. But now we've got a baby too even though we shouldn't and it's just so amazing, Louis. I just love you so much."  
He's sniffling and Louis can feel a tear against his stomach. It's alright though because he's tearing up too.  
"I love you too," he sniffs.  
Harry makes Louis ride him later so that he can keep his hands on his stomach the entire time. Louis falls asleep to Harry's hands gently trailing up and down his stomach.  
"Babe, you're going to need to take your hands off of me at some point," he protests the next morning when Harry still won't let him go.  
"Think about when you start to show," Harry muses, giving no indication that he has heard Louis, "You'll look so pretty and everyone'll know that you've got my baby inside of you."  
Louis is facing him and watching him as he speaks. Harry absolutely glows when he talks about the baby. His eyes glitter and his mouth is stretched into a smile so wide that Louis wonders if it hurts.  
The baby.  
Even just thinking it makes Louis want to cry.  
Harry had woken him up in the middle of the night to kiss him and whisper all these little things about the baby and Louis and how he loves them both and how it's so amazing and how it's such a miracle until Louis found himself crying again.  
Louis wonders if he needs to get some kind of miniature restraining order for Harry and his stomach. He literally doesn't seem able to stop touching it.  
It's kind of really terribly endearing though, is the thing. The way that Harry coos and blows raspberries is pretty fucking adorable. Louis doesn't think that it's possible for him to be any more in love, but with each passing second, Harry proves him wrong. The thing in his stomach is no bigger than a fucking penut and they're both so infatuated with it.  
Harry seperates himself from Louis long enough to go out and buy about ten different books about pregnancies. Louis rolls his eyes when he comes staggering in the door.  
"It does have ears!" Harry whines as they flip through them, "Look!"  
"Babe, it says that they're starting to develop. It can't hear yet," Louis corrects.  
Harry pouts.  
Then, a few minutes later, "It's heart is beating, Lou."  
"It's major organs are developing, Harry. That doesn't mean it's beating," Louis replies, "You should be looking at week eight, yeah?"  
Harry pouts some more.  
Louis sets down his book after a little while and watches Harry. His eyebrows are scrunched together in concentration and his tongue is sticking out.  
"You're cute when you concentrate," Louis comments.  
Harry looks up, his eyes glittering.  
"You're cute all the time," he replies.  
Louis crawls over the mound of books and settles himself in Harry's lap.  
"You're not gonna be able to sit like this in a while," Harry says, "With your belly and all."  
"I'll make it work," Louis grumbles, situating himself so that he's facing Harry.  
He laces his fingers with Harry's and rests their foreheads together.  
"I love you so much," he murmurs, "You and the baby. So much."  
Harry smiles, pursing his lips so Louis can kiss them.  
"Every day, I fall deeper in love with you, you know," Harry replies, "Even when you don't clean up after yourself, I love you that much more. When we found out that you couldn't have a baby, I never stopped loving you for a second. And now this? Loving somebody this much should be impossible. But, God, Louis, I love you so much."  
They're grinning against each other's mouths, trying to kiss, but their smiles get in the way.  
***  
They end up telling Niall and Zayn first.  
They're hanging out with them the day before Louis and Harry have to leave for Christmas. Louis is bouncing all over the place, a smile never leaving his face.  
"You drug him?" Zayn asks as Louis cackles at something Niall has said.  
"Nope. Knocked him up," Harry replies.  
Zayn jerks and his mouth drops open.  
"What the fuck?" Zayn yells, "Are you serious?"  
"No swearing," Harry says quietly, grinning madly.  
Louis and Niall look over.  
"You tell him, H?" Louis asks, walking over to sit on Harry's lap.  
"Tell him what? What happened?" Niall asks.  
"We get to be mommies together," Louis says.  
Niall grins, not catching what Louis means.  
"You're adopting?" he asks.  
"Nope," Louis says.  
"Surrogate?" he tries again, eyebrows crinkling in confusion.  
"Nope," Louis repeats.  
Niall's eyes grow huge with wonder, finally understanding.  
"But that's impossible!" he says.  
"Yeah. But when have we ever let that stop us?" Harry teases, leaning up to peck Louis on the lips.  
"That's fuckin' amazing," Niall breaths.  
Zayn still seems to be in shock.  
"No swearing in front of the baby," Harry growls.  
"It's not even grown ears yet, for the thousandth time," Louis whines.  
"You guys, I'm so happy for you," Zayn finally says, "Like. So happy."  
They tell Niall and Zayn everything. How it happened, how Harry found out, Harry's inability to stop touching Louis, and on and on.  
Niall starts to cry at one point, blaming it on hormones. They tease him mercilessly. Then Louis tells them how much Harry cried when he found out. Harry counters with how much Louis cried.  
It's great and carefree, something that it hasn't been in ages between the four of them.  
Zayn and Niall eventually leave, hugging them tightly and wishing them a merry Christmas.  
Louis nuzzles into Harry's neck as they watch some cheesy romantic movie later.  
"I missed this," Harry says quietly, "Being able to spend time with you."  
Louis sighs and curls closer.  
"I'm sorry," he murmurs, "I'm so sorry, H. For everything. I know how hard it was for you, cause you had to stay strong for both of us."  
"What...what would have happened if you hadn't gotten pregnant?" Harry asks, voice tiny.  
Louis hates that he's the reason for it.  
"I think eventually we would have adopted or gotten a surrogate. I just would have needed a lot time to get used to the idea that the baby wouldn't biologically be ours," Louis says.  
Harry nods.  
"But it doesn't matter now, right?" he asks, "Cause we've got this baby."  
"It never should have mattered, sweetheart," Louis says, "I was just being a twat because I couldn't deal with myself."  
"Everybody deals with grief differently, babe," Harry says gently, "We dealt with it differently."  
"I could have done better," Louis mutters, nosing under Harry's chin.  
"You did what you were comfortable with. It's okay. I was never angry with you. Sometimes I just felt like you forget that it involved me too," Harry admits.  
Louis sighs, long and heavy. He doesn't say anything. He knows it doesn't matter now.  
***  
When they tell their families, Anne passes out. It's almost comical, except Harry nearly cries thinking that he'd killed his mum by getting Louis pregnant.  
When she comes to, she's hysterical, jumping and screaming with Jay.  
This time it really is comical.  
Even their sisters are crowding around them, asking Louis to lift his shirt even though there isn't any bump quite yet.  
Anne and Jay eventually find the time to scold them for not telling them sooner, but it's hard to take them seriously with the gigantic smiles on their faces.  
They stay up late, quietly talking in the living room as to not wake Louis' younger sisters.  
It gets rather emotional when Louis and Harry tell them about when they first found out that Louis was pregnant.  
"Thought I'd nearly killed you," Louis murmurs, sweeping his hand through Harry's hair affectionately.  
"I was in shock," Harry protests, "'S not every day you tell me you're pregnant."  
He digs his fingers into where his hands are folded across Louis' stomach.  
There's a brief second where he's looking at Louis with a fierce intensity and Louis wonders how obvious it would be if he stood up and pulled Harry to his room to have his way with him.  
Gemma clears her throat and Harry looks away, flushing slightly.  
"Sorry," he mumbles, "Got a bit, er, distracted."  
It's quiet, uncomfortable for Harry, for a moment. Everyone's looking at them in a way that makes him pull Louis closer.  
Finally, Anne breaks the silence, "I just can't wrap my head around this. I mean, I always had this little hope that maybe you just weren't...timing things right, for lack of a better way to put that, and that's why nothing was happening. I just thought that with a love like yours, you wouldn't be punished like that, not being able to have children. And look at this. Something happened and you're going to have a child. It's beautiful."  
Louis sniffles and Harry almost barks out a surprised laugh. Louis' been so composed throughout the night, but now he's letting himself shed a few tears.  
"Thank you," he breaths.  
He must feel Harry smiling because he shifts and scowls up at him. Harry simply smirks and wipes Louis' tears away with his thumb. Louis leans forwards into Harry's hand and Harry just loves him so much.  
"Christ, is it possible to have a conversation with them?" Gemma groans.  
"Hush, dear," Anne chides, "We're going to bed, boys. We'll see you in the morning."  
They're all staying at the Tomlinson household for next two days.  
"Okay, mum," Harry replies absently, too absorbed in memorizing each of Louis' eyelashes as they sweep across his cheeks.  
He hears them tiptoe out just as Louis leans up to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth.  
It's kind of tradition that they stay on the pull-out couch together. They always have when everyone's together. Anne and Gemma stay in Louis' room. Gemma had found it weird at first, complaining that she had to sleep in a bed that Louis and Harry had probably had sex in. (They have.)  
Harry grunts as he stands up and pulls a very pliant Louis with him. He doesn't let Louis pull the bed out. He refuses to let him do any work. Louis watches him as he puts the blankets and pillows Jay had left out for them on the bed.  
"C'mon, Lou," Harry says, tugging Louis down by the waist.  
Louis collapses, laughing as Harry nips at his neck and pinches his waist.  
"Gimme," Louis orders, gesturing towards Harry's half-finished glass of wine.  
Harry frowns at him.  
"Lou, you can't have any alcohol," he says sternly.  
Louis rolls his eyes.  
"A glass of red wine every night is healthy," he protests.  
"Not when you've got a baby," Harry snorts, "And just to take away the temptation-"  
He reaches for the glass and tips his head back. Louis watches his throat as Harry downs the rest of the glass. He smacks his lips exaggeratedly and Louis just has to kiss him. He licks into Harry's mouth, humming quietly.  
"Good wine," he mutters against Harry's lips, "Does this count as drinking?"  
Harry chuckles.  
"Hopefully not," he says, shuffling down until his head is on one of the pillows.  
Louis follows him, tucking himself under Harry's arm.  
"I love you," he murmurs, lazily turning his head and biting Harry's bicep.  
Harry makes a noise of protest.  
"Vampire Lou," he complains.  
Louis smiles and cuddles into Harry's side.  
"But I love you too, sharp little teeth and all," Harry says.  
***  
When Louis starts showing, Harry gets even worse. By worse, he gets increasingly tactile. Any time Louis is within reach, Harry's hands are on his stomach, eyes wide and mesmerized as he stares at the barely-visible bump.  
"Harry, darling, my eyes are up here," Louis jokes one day when Harry speaks directly to his stomach.  
Harry huffs, but changes his focus to Louis' face.  
"You're just so pretty Lou," he murmurs, leaning forwards to peck Louis' lips.  
"My face is pretty too," Louis protests.  
"Not quite as much," Harry says, earning a swat to the arse as he dances away from Louis.  
Louis rolls his eyes and goes to pour himself another cup of tea. He can feel Harry's eyes on him, gentle and ridiculously fond. He swallows a hormone supplement- he's got to take them, most pregnant males do to make up for the hormones that they don't have that females do.  
"Hey, Lou," Harry murmurs.  
Louis looks up and hums in response.  
"I was thinking-"  
"God forbid," Louis interrupts.  
Harry gives him a small smile.  
"Anyways, you insufferable twat, I know we've talked about before but never really gotten around to making plans cause it's never really mattered to us, we know we'll be together forever anyways, but with the baby and all...," Harry says, lacing his fingers with Louis', "I'm really thinking we should get married."  
Louis grins.  
"You proposing to me, Styles?" he asks, "You better get down on your knee or I won't even pretend to consider it."  
"I'll get on my knees," Harry quips, then, "Got a ring and all."  
And oh, okay. That changes things a little bit.  
Harry slips down onto a knee and pulls a little black box out of his pocket. His eyes are glittering, his mouth in a wide smile.  
"Do I even need to make a whole speech about how much I love you? I put up with your disgusting feet and I draw you baths when you complain about it being cold in the morning. But the thing is, I love putting up with you. We're gonna raise a baby together and I want to marry you, Louis. So, I suppose I've got to ask the question. Will you marry me?"  
He puts on a horrible posh accent for the actual question itself and Louis wants to hit him because he's such a dork but he's proposing to him and it's such a Harry proposal that Louis can't really complain.  
"C'mon, get up you twat, or you'll be complaining about your knees for days. Yes, I'll marry you," Louis laughs, pulling Harry to his feet.  
It's hard to kiss Harry with how hard they're both smiling, but it works.  
The ring itself is simple, just a silver band. But when Harry points out the inscription on the inside, Louis falls about five thousand times more in love with him and he tears up.  
When he tells his mum and sends her a picture, he won't say a word about what's written on the inside.  
That is and always will be just for him and Harry to know.  
***  
When Harry goes into Louis' ultrasound with him, he can hardly contain himself.  
They'll be able to actually see something today bigger than a speck. Granted, it'll still be tiny, but it's something.  
Harry is absolutely bouncing off the walls in the waiting room and Louis has to put a hand over Harry's mouth to keep him from cheering when they're called back.  
Louis squirms as the cold gel is spread on his little belly and Harry hold his hand as the image appears on the screen.  
The doctor moves the wand around Louis' belly until she finds what she's looking for.  
Harry can't really see anything, if he's being honest.  
"They're coming along quite nicely, Mr. Tomlinson; they're at the proper stage they should be," she says cheerfully after a few moments.  
Harry's mouth goes dry.  
"They?" he asks.  
She looks at him.  
"You have two healthy twins in there," she says, nodding.  
Louis looks over to Harry, eyes wide, but only hears a dull 'twack' as Harry faints dead away.  
Once they leave the hospital after Harry gets tested for a concussion, Louis wonders if maybe they shouldn't have stayed a while longer. Harry's almost robotic, keeps mumbling, "Twins, twins," under his breath.  
It's not until they're halfway home when Harry jolts.  
"Louis, pull over," he orders, something strange in his voice.  
As soon as Louis complies with the order and puts the car into park, Harry is shoving him into the backseat and absolutely ravishing him. And really, they're incredibly lucky nobody stopped to see why they were pulled over.  
Harry slips his trousers back on after they've finished, panting.  
"Lou," he says, "Christ, Louis, we weren't even supposed to have one baby, but we've got two!"  
His eyes are wild, disbelieving.  
"Yeah, we've got two little miracles in there, H," Louis says gently, squeezing Harry's hand.  
Harry drives the rest of the way and Louis is rather impressed that they manage to make it inside of the house before Harry is pinning him to the floor.  
***  
Harry makes him go to maternity yoga.  
Harry now owes him hundreds of blowjobs.  
***  
Louis gets the most random cravings. They aren't weird foods, persay, but they come at odd times.  
Harry is sleeping rather deeply in the middle of the night when he's being pawed awake, Louis' pout the first thing he sees when he wakes up.  
"Hey, love," Harry mumbles, trying to close his eyes and chase after the dream he was having.  
"Hazza, I'm hungry," Louis whines, "And I like, really, really want tacos. I dunno why."  
Harry groans.  
"Can't you wait? It's the middle of the night, love," he grunts.  
And he knows from experience that that's the wrong thing to say when Louis really wants some kind of food. He doesn't blame Louis; Louis hates how he gets, but his hormones are very passionate about cravings.  
He counts down from three until he hears Louis start sniffling.  
"Lou," he sighs, fumbling blindly until he reaches the lamp, "I'll make you the tacos."  
He flicks it on and stumbles out of bed. Thankfully, they have all the ingredients. Harry's become a regular at the Tesco's down the road and the night-shift clerks know him by name and all about Louis and the babies.  
Louis pads behind him quietly and sits on the counter. He stays silent while Harry yawns and cooks the meat and throws together the rest of the ingredients.  
"Here, babe," he slurs, sleepy still.  
Louis takes the plate almost hesitantly.  
"Hey, you okay?" Harry asks, immediately concerned.  
Louis kicks his feet absently.  
"Are you mad? That I keep waking you up?" he mumbles.  
"Of course not! I'll do anything for you. I'll make you a bloody pot roast in the middle of the night if it's what you want, although it wouldn't be night by the time it was done. My point being, I don't care if you wake me up, babe. If you need anything at all, you don't have to be afraid to ask," Harry says gently.  
Louis' face crumples and he bursts into tears.  
"Hey, shh, sweetheart, what's wrong?" Harry coos, "Lou."  
Louis shakes his head.  
"I just love you so much, you know? Like, look at me. I'm waking you up because I want fucking tacos and I can't make them myself and I can't wait until it's actually a conventional hour because of these stupid hormones and I feel like such a brat for making you do all this stuff for me, I'm so sorry," Louis wails.  
"Hey, none of that," Harry chides, "Louis, I love doing these things for you, okay? You're carrying our babies. I want to do everything I can to make you happy and if making you tacos makes you happy, I'll do it, okay?"  
Louis nods, eying the tacos.  
Harry understands.  
Louis has lost the craving.  
On the other hand, Harry makes cupcakes for them when Liam, Niall, and Zayn come over and when he brings them out, Louis has to rush from the room to vomit.  
He doesn't know why; he loves Harry's cupcakes.  
"You're babies apparently don't like the smell of those," Louis groans when Harry rushes into the toilet after him, "You know I love your cooking but those smell awful. Little brats."  
Harry rubs his back until Louis is done emptying his stomach and then makes him creamed corn soup, his newest obsession.  
Louis hated creamed corn soup before the pregnancy.  
Harry must have removed the cupcakes because they're gone when Louis sits back down next to Niall.  
"With me it's bananas and eggs that I can't stand," Niall says sympathetically, "I wanted a banana split once. It didn't end well."  
Louis laughs and they bond over the unfortunate parts of being pregnant.  
Harry can only watch. It's amazing how Louis has gone from avoiding Niall like the plague to laughing and cuddling with him. Niall never stops smiling when they're together and Harry has a hunch that part of it is Niall being grateful for getting Louis back.  
Louis preens and glows when Niall comments on his belly.  
"S' really happy, huh?" Zayn says, patting Harry's shoulder.  
Harry nods.  
"Twins," he breathes, "God, what did we do to deserve something like this?"  
"You loved," Zayn says and Harry thinks that's the most logical thing that he's ever heard.  
***  
Louis is insatiable.  
His belly is getting bigger, hanging over his waistband.  
But it doesn't stop him from climbing all over Harry when he can. He'll wake Harry up in the middle of the night, pawing at him until Harry gives in. It's like Louis' a teenager again. He's always, always horny.  
Harry's not really complaining, but sometimes he has to fuck Louis with one of their many vibrators just because he just can't keep up.  
"God, I thought this stage wasn't supposed to happen until later," Harry grunts after Louis tackles him as soon as he walks inside.  
"You gonna complain Styles or are you going to fuck me?" Louis growls, biting Harry's ear.  
And he's so, so hard already, Harry can feel it as Louis squirms on top of him, trying to undress him.  
"Lou, we've gotta get to bed. S'not good for your back like this," he chokes as Louis sinks his teeth into his nipple, "Or your knees or- oh."  
He's found that Louis doesn't really care much for listening to Harry.  
He's not even gotten his trousers off before Louis takes hold of his dick and sinks down on it. His trousers seem very unimportant all of a sudden because Louis' eyelashes are fluttering in the most pretty way and he's making these gorgeous, gorgeous little noises as he almost immediately starts to move.  
Harry's hardly more than half-hard, but he can feel himself thickening up as soon as Louis clenches tight around him.  
"Had to- had to finger m'self earlier cause I just couldn't- oh- wait, but I've b'n hard all day still and- mmm- just needed you so bad," he whines.  
Lord, Harry picked a pretty boy to fall in love with. He leans up to kiss Louis but it's mostly just breathing into his mouth.  
"Got yourself so worked up already," Harry groans.  
Louis hums in agreement, breath hitching as Harry rubs against him in just the right way.  
It really doesn't last much longer after that. Louis is entirely too worked up and he feels almost embarrassed at how quickly it ends.  
He pants between Harry's legs, sucking him until Harry's groaning and his hips jerk erratically. Louis swallows greedily, making a show of licking his lips.  
"Couldn't have maybe made it to the bedroom? The sofa, at least?" Harry grunts as he pulls Louis up.  
Louis flips him off and waddles to the kitchen, more so from the sex than from his belly.  
"So, I was looking at furniture today," Louis says as Harry comes back downstairs with some clothes for him.  
Harry feels his heart flutter. They're buying furniture for their babies.  
"Yeah?" he asks, pressing a quick kiss to Louis' jaw before sitting next to him at the table.  
Louis nods and pulls on Harry's oversized jumper. It's big on Harry, so it absolutely swamps Louis. He doesn't put on the pants that Harry brought him. Harry doesn't complain.  
Louis has to set aside a stack of baby books in order to tug his laptop over to them.  
Harry's got this obsession with reading them even though they all say the same things, just in different ways.  
He makes Louis eat ridiculously healthy food and plays classical music for the babies. He refuses to let Louis swear, a lost cause, and if Louis dares lay on his stomach for a split second, Harry will yell at him.  
It's hopelessly endearing.  
Louis opens the laptop to reveal a page about furniture.  
Harry doesn't even blink at the ridiculously high price. They can afford it, they can afford a hundred cribs like this if they wanted, and he's not about to have his babies sleep in anything but the best.  
He scrolls through the pages Louis has bookmarked and Louis rests his chin on his shoulder.  
"I like this," he murmurs, eyelashes brushing against Harry's cheek in a rather distracting way.  
Harry nods. It's a simple furniture set, but it's nice.  
"We gonna wait to find out the sex or wha'?" Louis asks.  
Harry snorts, "Lou, you'd never wait."  
"I would if you want me to," Louis replies.  
"We'll find out as soon as we can, babe. That way we know what kind of onesies people can buy us," he replies, rubbing Louis' belly.  
Louis grins.  
***  
Louis is big, really big.  
"I'm gonna get so much bigger," he complains as Harry helps him waddle into the hospital.  
"You look pretty like this," Harry assures him, "S'kinda a shame I'll probably not be able to knock you up again."  
Louis rolls his eyes.  
He's ushered back into a room and the staff goes through the standard procedure of preparing him for an ultrasound.  
Harry's squeezing his hand more tightly than usual because they're supposed to find out the sex of the babies this time.  
They're getting big. They pointed out the heads and feet last time and Harry cried.  
Harry always cries at the ultrasounds. Louis scoffs at him, but Harry always catches him sniffling a bit.  
A doctor is slathering cool gel onto Louis' stretched belly and before they know it, she's guiding the camera around until fuzzy images are up on the screen. Harry squeezes Louis' fingers.  
"Look," the doctor commands, "You've got two healthy little girls in there."  
The staff is used to Harry and they bring him a chair before he can pass out again.  
"Two girls, Lou," he murmurs, and yeah, he's got tears running down his face.  
"Yeah, babe," Louis says, "Yeah."  
And that's all he can say, really, without bursting into tears.  
They get Louis cleaned up, do some more standard checkups, and then they schedule his c-section.  
Males can't have natural births like females. Their rectum walls will split and their intestines will likely rupture and the chance of death is close to a hundred percent with a natural birth.  
Even c-sections are risky, but the odds are way down.  
Louis won't stop nosing Harry on the way back, kissing his cheek, his neck, his throat, twisting fingers into his hair.  
"Imagine all the pretty little dresses we can get," he sighs, "And we can braid their hair and sign them up for ballet."  
Harry's still crying.  
"We're gonna have to teach them about periods," Louis says, frowning, "Ugh, do we say anything about masturbating?"  
Harry laughs so hard he almost has to pull over.  
"Babe, we've got years before that," he chuckles, "But I suppose not. I think that's something they can discover. Sex, however, we'll have to talk about sex."  
They spend the rest of the drive making up ways to humiliate their girls.  
Their girls.  
***  
They get married quietly. It's a small ceremony, only close family and friends invited.  
Harry bawls his way through their vows- they're almost unintelligible- and Louis can taste salt on his lips when they kiss.  
But they're married and he's stuck with this idiot for the rest of his life, so he swats him and tells him to man up.  
He's hypocritical because he cried a little too.  
They don't have a fancy reception. Everyone comes back to their house and they eat and talk and laugh until Louis' head is drooping on Harry's shoulder and almost everyone is gone.  
"Lou," Harry murmurs after he's set their families up in guest rooms, "Lou."  
Louis stirs, blinking up at him from the couch.  
"We've gotta leave, sweetheart. Flight's in three hours," Harry says.  
He'd said goodbye to their families for Louis and gave them a key to lockup with when they leave.  
They're spending a week in Hawaii, in a small, private resort. They even have their own tiny little section of beach and Harry tries not to think about beach sex.  
Louis yawns and sags as Harry lifts him up. His belly makes it really hard to carry him, but Harry manages somehow.  
"You can sleep on the plane. We just gotta get there," Harry coos, pressing little kisses behind Louis' ear.  
"I'm sleepy now," Louis whines, and Christ, he's going to cry.  
Hormones.  
"Babe, okay, you go to sleep then, alright? I'll wake you up when we get to the airport," Harry says quickly as Louis starts to sniffle.  
Louis nods and almost immediately falls back asleep.  
It's a hassle to get him in the car without waking him and then go back inside for the luggage, but Harry manages it. Louis looks so sweet and peaceful like this, his hands unconsciously cradling his belly. Harry pulls him over a little bit so that Louis' head rests on his shoulder. If he didn't do that, Louis' head would bob and he doesn't want him to hurt his neck.  
Louis staggers through the airport, eyes heavy. They get a few stares. Society still has trouble accepting male pregnancy sometimes.  
The woman at security tells them congratulations and Harry has never seen Louis smile bigger.  
They get on the plane, first class, and Louis curls into his side and sleeps the entire way.  
It's hot, really hot, when they land. Louis wrinkles his nose but Harry can only imagine how deliciously tan Louis will get.  
"Christ," Louis breaths as they walk into their little house, "I could get used to this weather."  
Harry nods, absently wiping a drop of sweat off of Louis' neck.  
"You gonna carry me in?" Louis asks.  
"Babe, we're already inside," Harry snorts.  
Louis raises his eyebrows and smirks, saying, "You could make it up to me my carrying me into the bedroom."  
Harry takes him up on that. 

Hawaii is wonderful.  
They spend most of the time just being together. There's a lot of sex but Harry's noticing it's starting to get a little bit difficult in some positions. It's easiest when Louis rides him or when they're on their sides.  
It doesn't really matter though; it's still great sex no matter how they're doing it.  
They're laying out on the beach, Louis already a beautiful brown color and Harry just trying not to burn. Louis says he's tanning too but Harry doesn't really see it.  
Louis gets up and wades out into the sea. It's blue and almost completely clear.  
Harry sits up on his elbows and watches Louis kick at the water and splash around. He's going to raise children with a child, honestly.  
Louis turns back and smiles at him, that simple Louis smile that is only used when it's just him and Harry.  
Harry wheezes.  
Louis is so beautiful that it takes his breath away.  
"Coming in?" Louis asks, kicking water at him.  
"You're getting the towels wet," Harry grumbles, but he gets up and follows Louis out.  
They go deep, deep enough that Louis wraps his legs around Harry's waist and and Harry holds him despite his large belly. Louis is too small to stand so far out. Louis rests his cheek against Harry's shoulder and sighs. Harry gently sways back and forth in time with the waves. Louis' fingers comb through Harry's hair.  
"D'you think that we're scarring the babies with all the sex? Can they like, see your dick or something?" Louis asks.  
Harry's raising children with a child.  
"M' not sure that's how it works," he snorts.  
Louis shrugs, "Just curious."  
***  
Niall goes in for his c-section three weeks after they get back from Hawaii.  
Zayn comes over the day before, white as a ghost.  
Louis quietly leaves as Harry leads Zayn over to the sofa and they must have some kind of daddy-to-be talk because Zayn has a little more color when he leaves.  
"He's nervous," Harry explains, "He's convinced that anything that can go wrong will go wrong."  
"You'll be worse," Louis says, "You'll probably refuse when they try to take me in."  
Harry shrugs but he doesn't deny it.  
"Couldn't handle losing you, Lou," he says quietly.  
Louis hesitates because there's something burning in his throat. He takes a deep breath.  
"If you had to choose between me and the girls, who would it be?" he asks quietly.  
Harry looks away.  
"I'd ask you to choose them," Louis murmurs.  
"I couldn't," Harry croaks, "Couldn't lose you."  
Louis wants to smack him, make him understand that the girls come first. But them he sees the way Harry's hands are shaking and the ripple of muscle as he tenses.  
Louis doesn't push it anymore.

They're allowed in about an hour after Niall gives birth.  
It was a flawless, smooth surgery and Niall and their little boy are completely healthy.  
Zayn's face is tear-stained and under any other circumstances, Louis would be making fun of him.  
"Say hi," Niall coos, picking the baby's arm up and waving it.  
The baby gurgles.  
"He's a screamer," Niall sighs.  
He looks tired, but Harry's never seen him happier.  
Zayn hands him the little boy and Harry cradles him carefully. Zayn's eyes watch him sharply, braced for any sudden movement that could hurt his son.  
"Rico," Niall murmurs.  
Harry raises his eyebrows. Rico is not the name that they had picked out originally. It's nothing like it.  
"He just looked like a Rico when I saw him," Zayn explains.  
Louis nods. He picks up Rico's hand and shakes it.  
"M' Uncle Louis," he coos, "You're favorite, just so you know."  
Harry snorts.  
"Please. You'll corrupt him," he says.  
"That's why I'm his favorite," Louis snips.  
Zayn's starting to look anxious, so Harry hands him Rico.  
"Pretty boy," Harry comments.  
"Do you see what his father looks like?" Niall snorts, "Kid's gonna be gorgeous."  
***  
Zayn and Niall are over a few weeks later. Niall and Louis are sitting on the couch with Rico.  
Harry's hanging their latest ultrasound where both girls are sucking their thumbs in the nursery and Zayn's helping put away the abundance of baby clothes that they have.  
It's only two weeks into Louis' seventh month and he's huge. He complains about his back and his feet all the time but Harry just sits him down and rubs at his aching muscles until he quiets.  
And all of a sudden, "Harry!"  
There's a clatter and Niall comes flying into the room, clutching Rico. His eyes are wide and frantic.  
"He's gone into labor," he wheezes, still a bit sore from the surgery.  
Harry's running out of the room in a flash and down the stairs.  
Louis' on the couch and his trousers are soaked through.  
"I thought I was just cramping this morning," he sniffles.  
He looks so, so scared.  
Harry swears profusely.  
"Get...get some stuff together," he snaps at Niall and Zayn, "C'mon, Lou, it's okay."  
He helps Louis out into the car and breaks several laws getting him to the hospital.  
His heart is racing because no, Louis' a month and a half early and this is not good.  
He tries to tell himself that this is a false alarm. Louis' gotten cramps before.  
But it's not. His water broke. Unless he weed himself, which Harry deems as highly implausible.  
Louis squeezes his hand across the center console and his eyes are wide and scared. He bites his lip and squeezes his eyes, letting out a pained "shit" as another contraction ripples through his body.  
Harry doesn't think he himself has stopped swearing since he left the house and truthfully, it's probably not doing anything to calm Louis, but Harry's literally about to pass out.  
"Choose the babies, Hazza," Louis gasps.  
Harry growls at him.  
"You listen to me. You're going to be okay. You're early, but that doesn't mean you're going to die or some shit. Louis, are you listening to me?" he snarls, "You're going to be fine and the girls will be too."  
He skids into the parking lot of the hospital.  
Louis whines when Harry helps him out of the car and Harry all but carries him inside.  
A wheelchair is almost magically produced and it's all a blur, really.  
"Emergency cesarean," Harry hears, "Quick...trouble...immediate."  
The only thing keeping him on his feet is how tightly Louis is clutching his hand.  
They load Louis onto a bed and Harry nearly hits the nearest nurse when they start rolling him away.  
"I need to be there!" he spits, "That's my husband!"  
"Sir, under these circumstances, this is a high-risk surgery and the doctors need all the concentration they can get to help your baby and you husband to the best of their ability," the nurse says.  
"Babies," Harry slurs, "We've got two."  
"Congratulations, sir."  
He knows how dangerous this is. With Louis' body already undergoing a natural birth, it just makes things more complicated for the doctors. They'll have to knock Louis out for the surgery.  
He allows himself to be led to a chair and a cup of water is thrust into his hand.  
"Please drink, sir. We don't want you to become ill," the nurse says.  
Harry exhales shakily.  
"He's gonna be alright?" he whispers.  
The nurse nods.  
"We have wonderful doctors. Your husband is in very capable hands," he assures Harry.  
Harry shakes his head.  
"You don't understand. If I lost Louis..."  
He stops, feeling light-headed again.  
"You got him here with plenty of time. Don't worry. With our staff and your fighter of a husband, he will be fine," the nurse assures him.  
He leaves and comes back with another cup of water, which Harry gladly drains.  
He is then left alone and he makes phone calls. He calls their families and Niall and Zayn first.  
Not even ten minutes later, Niall and Zayn are barging in.  
"Left Rico with Liam," Zayn pants.  
Harry makes a weird grunting noise and gets up to greet them.  
Zayn steps forward and catches him under his armpits when Harry's knees give out.  
"It's dangerous," Harry chokes, "The babies are too early even if everything goes fine. But he could die, Zayn, Louis could die."  
Zayn slaps him.  
"Listen. Louis is the most stubborn little shit I've ever met. He will not die. And your babies, if they're anything like the two of you, they'll be strong too. It's early, yes. But there's been earlier deliveries that have grown up completely fine," Zayn snaps, "So quit panicking because everything will be okay."  
Niall stares at Zayn and Harry's expression is just as shocked.  
Harry nods and bites down hard on his lip.  
Zayn, speech over with, lets Harry put his head in his lap and strokes his hair.  
Harry's exhausted already but he's much too anxious to sleep. He shuts his eyes though and focuses on the gentle pull of Zayn's fingers and Niall's hands on his back.  
***  
"Mr. Styles?"  
Harry sits bolt upright, nearly smacking Zayn in the face.  
The doctor's words are a mess but what Harry gets out of it is that Louis and the babies are okay.  
They're okay.  
One had an umbilical cord around her neck and they nearly lost her, the doctor says, but she is apparently a strong little girl.  
She'll be like Louis, Harry thinks.  
They've got the girls under close observation and Louis is still asleep, but they allow Harry back to the recovery room.  
He peers into a different room though. A doctor is holding a little baby, carefully examining it. It's so tiny, obviously premature.  
But it's their baby.  
Harry can see their other little girl under a light.  
Oh, they're so beautiful.  
He's crying as he watches the one the doctor is holding start to cry.  
Crying is healthy, Harry thinks, they're little and not quite out of danger yet, but crying is healthy.  
He goes into Louis' room.  
There's an IV attached to him.  
Harry knows that Louis will be in a considerable amount of pain for quite a while but he already treats Louis like royalty. The only difference is that Louis can't really protest now.  
Harry sits down, careful not to knock anything over.  
He strokes Louis' hand with his thumb and brushes hair out of his face.  
It's a good forty-five minutes before Louis stirs, but Harry is content with wandering between watching the girls and watching Louis.  
Louis' eyes flutter open and immediately focus on Harry.  
"Hey, Lou," Harry murmurs, smiling and squeezing his hand.  
Louis looks worried and he croaks uselessly, mouth dry. Harry holds a glass of water with a bendy straw out to him.  
"The girls are fine. They're so beautiful, Louis, just wait 'til you see them. They're so small, but they're okay," Harry whispers as Louis drinks.  
He presses the button for the nurses to let them know Louis is up.  
Louis brushes his thumb over Harry's face and it comes away wet.  
"Pathetic," Louis sighs.  
He shifts, then winces.  
Harry makes a sympathetic noise.  
A nurse bustles in.  
She allows Louis a little more pain medication from his IV, tells him how to press the button to administer it himself.  
"I think once the doctors check your little girls out, you'll be allowed to see them," the nurse explains as she examines Louis' assorted machines.  
They're formalities, Harry knows, just to make sure that Louis' heart and other essential organs are okay after the surgery, but they make him a little anxious.  
The nurse leaves.  
Harry leans forwards and presses a slow kiss to Louis' dry lips.  
"I was so scared," Harry admits, voice still a whisper, "I don't think I could have made that decision if I had to. Regardless, I would have lost something I love with all my heart and I couldn't have done it."  
"It's okay, H," Louis breathes, "I'm okay and the girls are okay."  
As if on cue, two doctors come out holding two tiny pink bundles. They make Louis and Harry put on gloves and masks to keep the babies away from any potential diseases when they're so fragile.  
Harry takes one and Louis the other.  
She blinks up at Harry, nose wrinkling.  
"Perfect," Harry wheezes.  
She has blue eyes.  
He looks at Louis.  
This is perfect.


End file.
